21 things that really irritate me about parenting

Here are 21 things that really, really, really irritate me about parenting, from *that* phrase through to *those* annoying things…

(Not these guys!)

If parenting has given me many gifts, including two healthy children and a group of mum friends who love wine as much as I do, hashtag blessed, then it’s also gifted me a very, very low tolerance level.

I’m not sure if it’s seven years of constant sleep deprivation or permanent low-level exhaustion or having no time to do anything, or just getting older? But I’d say a good, well, 99% of things are irksome and many things irritate me, especially when it comes to parenting.

Like all of these:

Unwanted parenting judgement: Never dish this out! Did anyone ask you? No? In which case, keep it to yourself (I’ve still never forgiven the sock lady).

Parenting phrases: Did you see the one everyone’s sharing about how when you’re a mother you stop becoming the picture and become the frame? Seriously, what? Generally, any parenting phrase is irritating, though, especially when it’s a faux positivity disguise for a punch in the gut. Here’s why I won’t be making the most of our 18 delicious summers this year. And is this the most irritating parenting phrase of all?

‘Have you tried?’ Oh wow, no, I didn’t think of THAT very obviously and simple thing! Really. No, really.

A flat battery on the iPad: Always at the worst time. Like 5.30am. Or the weekend morning when you’re hoping for twenty more minutes of precious sleep. Or whenever I want to use it.

Wasps: I know no-one’s really a fan, but both my children have developed a mortal fear of anything small and flying. One of my friends had a theory that wasps could smell death, but I reckon they can smell annoyance because the pesky little things are always around in spring and summer, terrorising them and irritating me.

The garden: We moved house to have a garden, and now the joke’s on us as neither child will go in, because that’s where the flying things are. So there it sits, bathed in fresh air and dappled sunlight, taunting me.

The school run: (Here’s everything I hate about the school run). It’s mainly irritating as it takes place twice a day every day for the whole of your entire life, and despite always being on it, we’re still so bad at it. (Hi to all the other late benchmark families).

Rain on the school run: How does it know? And why do my children have the lovely brightly coloured raincoats and mine is so very dull?

Shrieking from the other end of the house: Do all children do this? The minute I leave the room to get something from upstairs or hang washing out – as I’m always hanging washing out – there’s a glass shattering, blood curdling shriek, making me drop everything and panic-sprint downstairs to find out that…nothing’s wrong (it’s usually a wasp).

Washing: Speaking of! Where does it all come from? Why, when you have tiny children, does it multiply ten-million-fold? Does it breed in the washing basket?

The dishwasher: I love you, but I’m always emptying you, you symbol of my domestic oppression I can’t ever quit.

People who walk slowly in front of you, thinking you will walk slowly as you have small children: More fool you! And GET OUT OF MY WAY

Other parents…I imagine I’m probably equally as annoying *waves*. Related – we are entering the territory of wanting phones and pierced ears and I tell you, I’m terrified.

Hangovers when you’re in charge: Just put me out of my misery…

‘Can I have another snack?’ It’s half term, so I’m hearing this a lot. Like, every second (usually while they’re still eating).

99% of the videos on YouTube: Loud, repetitive music? High-pitched, nails-down-a-blackboard voices? Neon plastic tat all children will instantly want? Arghhh…

Never getting a good night of sleep again: I’m so very tired *cries*

Early starts: Whyyy.

People who stand in the pram space on the bus and don’t move: I SEE YOU

‘Are you having another…?’ I don’t actually mind this too much, but DON’T ASK PEOPLE YOU DON’T KNOW THAT! It’s so insensitive. How do you know they don’t have secondary infertility, or a history of miscarriage?  A lady at the bus stop this week asked me that and more fool her, and she got the whole spiel of ‘Well! My husband doesn’t and doesn’t and I don’t think I do, and I only have two hands but I don’t feel done, but how do you ever really know? Really?’ She leapt on to the first bus that came along. In short, keep your question to yourself unless you really know it’s OK.

And finally, in the list of things that irritate me about parenting…‘Mummy, I’m wearing your lipstick’ I’m all for creative expression, but why is it always the most expensive one?

More irritating things that happen during naptime…and follow me on Instagram, I’m gill_crawshaw